I'm Free to Love You Now
by Sanich Iyonni
Summary: “Now…” I whisper, as a drop of tears flows on my cheek, “I’m free to love you…”


**Disclaimer: **MBC

**~I'm Free to Love You Now~**

#

#

'_Seventy steps to Deokman…'_

She is standing there. I can see her clearly, although these knaves try to block me. I defeat them one by one, I kick them out from my way. I open my own road to her.

It's always like this, isn't it? I have to fight for her alone. Maybe it's a mistake because of loving her, but I will never consider it as a mistake. Not even think about it.

She, Her Majesty. Just 'Her Majesty', not a named woman. But I have given my heart to her. To her, whom I can't reach. To her, whom I just can look at from afar.

Because of her, then I can stand my loneliness. She has taught me about love, she also had made me realize that the world isn't always black and white. There is a part of the world which is colorful and beautiful—that's when I'm with her.

Can't I love her?

###

'_Forty steps to Deokman…'_

My body starts bleeding, but I do not feel the pain at all. What in my mind now is just her, only her. I play my sword swiftly, I'm ready to annihilate anybody who hampers me. I will make them fall down one by one.

There are so many people who called me stupid because of being blind by love. My mother, Lord Seolwon, Chunchu, Yeomjong. And I'm sure, if my master was still alive, he would say the same thing.

Yes, I admit that I'm stupid. But I do not regret it at all. She's too precious to be exchanged with anything. She's too meaningful, for all she has done for me.

Am I not permitted to love her?

###

'_Thirty steps to Deokman…'_

The arrows start sticking on my body. On my shoulders, my breast, my stomach. I really have to praise those Gaya people, who can make me bleeding like this. But they cannot fall me down. They will never. I stagger now, but I continue walking.

Sometimes I wonder, why did our destiny have to be like this? Why did she have to be 'Her Majesty'? Why did we not become ordinary people?

Ah, apparently I look for another scapegoat. These all are my mistakes, but why I cannot stop looking for someone or something to be blamed?

Lord Misaeng has told me, hasn't he? I have been warned. But I didn't want to listen.

However, even though I can turn back the time, I will still choose to love her. Even if it will make my heart broken.

###

'_Ten steps to Deokman…'_

Now I've been so close to her. Although my sight have blurred because of blood, I'm still able to see her tears there. I don't know how much I hate myself because of making her cry.

I feel swords penetrate my body. Alternately, the most capable fighters of this kingdom try to estrange me from their queen. Alcheon, Imjong, Deokchoong, Parkooi, and Yushin.

Yushin. A man who always surpasses me. I know I'm more than him in theory, but the fact is he always wins.

There was only a moment when I won to him, viz. when Her Majesty announced to everyone that she would marry me. That's the only moment. It's really such a fake happiness.

How many years I needed to wait until Her Majesty look at me, not at him again? I don't remember. But I know it took a long time, a very long time.

Ah, Yushin. I think you're the only one who understand the meaning of 'love must not own'.

You're a good person, Yushin. You're not an egoist, very different with me.

"It's enough Bidam…"

I hear he whispers. There is a deep pity on his eyes.

"Stop it!"

I don't care. She, Her Majesty, has been so close to me. I walk nearer to her painfully. Then my lips say a word which legalizes my status as the kingdom betrayer.

"Deok…man…" I whisper. "Deok... man..."

I feel Yushin's sword tears my skin for the last time. Then I fall down. And all my surrounding is getting dark.

Well, I can love her until the end, although the ending is like this.

#

#

#

"Bidam."

I turn my head. I don't believe my eyes when I see who called me.

"Your Majesty?"

She smiles as she walks to me. I freeze here, completely do not believe this. Am I dreaming? If yes, then I don't want to wake up.

She's still beautiful as usual, with a white plain cloth—just like what I wear. Well, there are no other colors in this place. As far as eyes can see, it's all white. I don't know what this place is or how long I have been here. But it's not important now. The question is,

"Your Majesty? What are you doing here? How come you are here, in this weird place?"

She just smiles sweetly, then she holds my hand with both of her hands.

"Since now, don't call me 'Your Majesty' anymore. Call me 'Deokman' like before."

I begin to be confused again.

"But…" I shake my head, and then give her other questions. "What is this place? And why—"

Her forefinger suddenly sticks on my lips.

"You don't realize it, Bidam? This is heaven."

I freeze.

"This is not the world where we come from. This is heaven, where we're free to do anything. You're free to hold my hands, to hug me, or anything, without worrying about the kingdom, Mishil's people, or else."

All my body shivers. Really? Is this heaven? How come a person like me can go to heaven?

"We all… are free, Bidam."

Unbearable, tears fall from my eyes. When seeing it, she hugs me tight. I can feel her tears on my shoulders. I reply her hugs, with a very big relief because my heaviest burden has been lifted.

"Now…" I whisper, as a drop of tears flows on my cheek, "I'm free to love you…"

**The End**

#

#


End file.
